Suddenly, I missed watching the sunset turn crimson over Mount Bromo, its beauty revealing an honesty that couldn't be hidden.

Unlike life in the city, where everything was somehow concealed. Like my situation after spending a week at Father's residence.

Mama Ratu, Adrian, and Maudy spent nearly all their time in their rooms. Gadgets became their closest companions. Meanwhile, I suddenly found myself missing something deeply meaningful from Bromo. Warmth.

Everyone only gathered when Father returned from work. The man whose eyes people said resembled mine would sit at the center head of the dining table, me beside him on the right with Adrian, Mama Ratu and Maudy across from me.

"How was your day, sweetheart?" Father asked me. I smiled.

"Was it fun?" he asked again. I nodded.

"The others should be asked too, Mas—they're your children too, aren't they," Mama Ratu replied, spooning rice onto Father's plate.

"I ask the others all the time," Father answered, gently stroking the back of my hand.

"Oh yes, what major are you planning to study?"

"Maudy wants to study Law," Mama Ratu answered again.

"What about you, dear?" Father asked.

What a coincidence—I hadn't expected at all that Maudy shared the same ambition as me. Law. For a long time, that's what I'd wanted to study. Though honestly, it wasn't because I felt capable or interested in it. There was another reason I wanted to pursue Law. Kak Randy.

"Medicine? Or something else?"

"L-Law," I answered nervously.

"What a coincidence then—you could go to the same campus!" Mama Ratu suggested.

"But Maudy got accepted to the University of Indonesia," the woman continued. "Can you even get into UI?"

I shook my head.

"Oh, what a shame, you can't go together then."

"It's okay. Trisakti and Binus are good too, or would you like to study abroad?" Father persuaded. I sat pale and silent.

I glanced slightly toward Maudy; she immediately turned her face away.

"I'm not that smart, Dad, for studying abroad. My grades aren't quite good enough."

"Law requires critical thinking—are you sure you can handle it?" Mama Ratu expressed doubt.

"Actually..."

"Ceri went to school in a remote area, and her school was quite far from home. The school facilities were also inadequate, very different from city schools. So it's not about whether or not Ceri can think critically, just opportunities she hasn't had yet!" Father said firmly.

"I'll study at a private university," I said.

"Where? Trisakti?"

"Whatever you think, Dad."

"Then I'll go to Trisakti too, Dad," Maudy added. Everyone immediately looked at her.

"Hmm... to keep Ceri company," she said. I smiled with relief, feeling confident that Maudy wasn't as bad as I'd imagined.

"Are you sure? UI is prestigious, you know!" Mama Ratu exclaimed.

"I'm sure, Mom. Ceri just arrived in Jakarta—you know what kids in Jakarta are like."

"Thank you, Maudy," Father replied.

I smiled at Maudy.

"Thank you, Maudy," I added.

"You're welcome."

After that dinner, I felt like I was starting to get closer to my stepsister. Maudy stopped by my room. Her eyes wandered around every corner, she opened my closet and looked through my clothes with enthusiasm.

"Your dresses are so pretty, Ceri," she said.

"Really!" I was delighted.

"Hey, by the way! Are you still planning to wear hijab in college?" she asked. I raised my eyebrows and smiled widely, then nodded.

"Won't you feel uncomfortable?"

"No. Why wouldn't I be allowed to wear hijab?" I asked.

"Well, you can, but usually girls who wear hijab have boring friend groups," she said. I smiled. She took one of the tops Father had bought for me, held it up to her body, then looked in the mirror.

"You look great, Maudy!"

"Really?"

"Yes, you're so beautiful!" I said honestly. The truth was Maudy was indeed very beautiful—fair skin, sharp nose, unlike my round nose.

"What's this?!" she exclaimed. I widened my eyes as she jumped onto the bed and reached for a stack of letters on the nightstand.

"Don't!" I screamed, grabbing the letters from Kak Randy.

"Your boyfriend, right?" Both my cheeks were already warm. Embarrassed.

"Who even sends letters these days?"

I lowered my head in shame. The last letter I'd sent was the day before I left for Jakarta, explaining my move and hoping to meet the man who used to have straight hair, three years my senior. When I was in third grade, Kak Randy was in sixth grade.

"Is he handsome?" Maudy asked again.

I smiled, then lowered my head.

"Show me his photo."

"I don't have one."

"Come on! He must have social media!" she insisted.

I nodded.

"What's his name?"

"Randy Pangestu."

Without asking, Maudy immediately grabbed her phone from her jacket pocket, typed the name on Instagram, and then showed it to me.

"This one?"

I nodded.

"Oh my God, he's so handsome! You're lucky, Ceri!"

"He's not my boyfriend."

"Oh, right."

"But you like him?" she asked. I was silent.

"He's handsome, he has a sweet smile, he's tall," Maudy continued. "His standards must be really high!"

I immediately felt small. I watched Maudy carefully as she scrolled through Randy's account from bottom to top, not hesitating to follow him and like every photo she liked.

"I'm going to my room now!" she said, then I nodded.

Watching Maudy, I suddenly felt a hollow, fearful sensation so clearly. I'd never been this scared before. I was so scared that my body started sweating; I held each of Kak Randy's letters and imagined Maudy's words that seemed directed at me. Kak Randy's standards are very high.

"Who am I?" I whispered, lowering my head.

"You're beautiful, dear." My late mother's voice suddenly echoed, from when she caressed my face under the foot of Mount Bromo as we were taking Grandma to work.

"Kak Randy is so cool, Mom," I said again, showing her the photo of the man I'd found on his Instagram page. The man who seemed to love taking selfies looked like a model, enjoying modern casual clothing, owning a racing motorcycle, and studying at a prestigious state university. I chose Law as my major because of that man. Not because I was capable or smart like Mama Ratu said. But because Kak Randy studied Law.

"You have to be confident, Ceri. The proof is that Randy is still sending you letters."

"But... I don't have Instagram. What if Kak Randy is disappointed when he sees me?"

"You're hoping Randy will be your boyfriend?" Mom teased, and I wanted to cry. She immediately took my shoulders and hugged me.

"I pray you find a soulmate who is sincere, faithful, loves you for who you are, and would sacrifice anything for you," she said.

"Why not Randy?" I asked.

"Sweetheart..." She caressed my face, then placed both hands on my shoulders. "Men's nature is a mystery. You won't truly understand it until you're truly grown up and see for yourself what love and sacrifice really are."

I was silent.

"I want you to find a man with those qualities. If it's not Randy, whoever it is. I'm afraid that if I mention Randy's name, that man might not treat you well."

"But I like Kak Randy," I whispered.

Mom smiled.

"Keep praying for it," she said. I nodded.

So almost every night, I prayed for him. That we'd meet under good circumstances, in a way he'd like, at a good time. I wanted our first meeting with Kak Randy to be memorable. I wanted him to see me as a perfect woman who had grown into adulthood. I held his letters tightly and smiled happily.

Weeks passed, and Kak Randy still hadn't replied to my letter. I myself didn't know why he hadn't contacted me. He knew Father's address; he could come if he wanted to. But his busy schedule must be holding him back. I understood and kept hoping.

During orientation week, Maudy accompanied me. On the very first day of introductions, Maudy was already surrounded by tall girls who were nearly her height, beautiful, and with equally comparable faces. Gradually Maudy started showing where she should stand; she no longer stayed with me because she felt they weren't on equal footing. The difference in our heights was glaringly obvious—Maudy was 165cm while I was only 158cm. She greeted me only once after that, then went back to hang out with her crowd.

"Why are you so quiet?" Father asked the first time he picked me up from campus, after the driver had been picking me up before.

"It's nothing."

"Are you enjoying college?"

"I am. But it's hard," I said.

Father laughed.

"You can do it!" he exclaimed. I smiled wide.

"God willing!"

"That's the spirit."

I was sad because Maudy, who should have been my closest friend on campus, turned out to be the most indifferent to me. But I was also grateful because I met new friends there. Friends who were funny and enjoyable.

"Have you made new friends?" Father asked, echoing what was on my mind.

"Yes! There's Siwi and Tanty."

"Oh really! Are they nice?"

"Nice and funny!"

We talked a lot while having lunch at a Japanese restaurant. It had been a long time since I'd had sushi, and Father knew best that sushi was my favorite food. That afternoon, Father only wanted to eat with me alone. He specifically picked me up, while Maudy had already left with her friends by the time Father arrived.

I enthusiastically told him about my two new friends. Siwi, whose body was smaller than mine and had a flat nose, but possessed god-level confidence, and Tanty, the tall dark-skinned girl from Ambon.

"They're lucky to know you," Father said.

I enjoyed those days, until one day. As I was leaving campus walking with my two friends, I heard a deep male voice calling my name loudly across the blue Trisakti campus in West Jakarta.

"CERI! CERIAA!"

When I turned around, a man with his best smile was waving his hand toward me. The man wearing a denim jacket, white t-shirt, and black pants that day was leaning against a motorcycle I also recognized. My eyes then grew misty, blurring my vision. I wiped it roughly and his smile grew even wider.

"Ka—Kak Randy!" I called out nervously.

"Hiii, Princesss!" he shouted.

"PRINCESSS!" Siwi and Tanty teased.

-II-